Calm In The Storm
by Shannz
Summary: A winter storm reminds Jack of his past. Bobby x Jack. Premovie.


Pre-movie, Bobby x Jack, Non-Slash(not that there's anything wrong with that). :)

A/N: I love the relationship between these two. This is my first and likely only foray into this fandom and I hope that I did the characters justice. I admit I found it hard at times to keep them IC. If you feel at all compelled I would love to know what you thought. Thanks so much. Enjoy.

**Calm in the Storm**

Bobby flipped through the late night talk shows and infomercials at light speed for the third time before hitting the power button in disgust. Comfortable on the sofa he sat in the darkness, bored but not tired. At just before midnight the rest of the house was quiet. A glance out the window assured him the snow continued to fall and showed no sign of letting up any time soon.

The late winter storm had interrupted his plans this evening to meet up with a few old friends while in town. He could have gone anyways, but when Evelyn suggested that he stay in - in that way she had of making an order sound more like a request - he was hard pressed to refuse. There was little she could ask of him that he would not honor, especially since it had been so long since his last visit.

The roads were likely a mess anyways. The snow was wet and heavy. Not a good mix to be driving home in while slightly inebriated. Restless, he rose and made his way to the kitchen where a dim twenty-five watt bulb lit the sink area and the crust rejects from the two left over slices of pizza he'd polished off a couple of hours before. Grabbing a beer from the fridge he leaned back against the counter and considered his options. They were few. Well, there were worse things than going to bed early and getting a decent night's sleep for a change. Maybe he was more tired than he suspected. That happened on occasion.

Finishing off his drink he sat the can next to the sink and gave a belch that had the unfortunate result of reversing the flow of his quickly consumed brew. It gurgled up into the back of his throat and he swallowed it with a grimace. It didn't taste nearly as good the second time around.

Bobby brushed his teeth and donned a pair of flannel sleep pants and a t-shirt before checking to make sure the front and back doors were locked. Out of long ingrained habit he headed upstairs to check on Jack before turning in himself. He came to Angel's door first and decided to make it a family affair. His little brother was sprawled spread eagle on the bed with his mouth wide open to the ceiling. Snorting in amusement and wondering why he never knew where the camera was at times like this, he moved on to Ma's room. She slept soundly on the far side of her full size bed with her back to him.

Just as Bobby was about to close the door, he caught sight of the pillow that she always left on the floor next to her bed for Jack. As a child and less frequently now, Jack suffered from terrible nightmares. A legacy from his previous life and the terrible abuse he suffered before becoming a Mercer. Jackie was never comfortable with climbing into bed with Evelyn, but he would curl up on the floor next to her.

Smiling gently at him, Evelyn would simply step over him in the morning when she rose for work. If she mentioned the incident at all to Jack it was only to remind him to grab his blanket next time. There was no reason for him to lay there and shiver after all. It was that non-assuming, accepting nature of Evelyn's that had ultimately won Jack's trust all those years ago. It had taken a little longer for Bobby. Not much longer, but it had taken some definite effort on his part. Naturally a little abrasive and rough around the edges, Bobby had the type of personality that had frightened Jack at first. Still did...on occasion whenever his temper got the best of him. He could be loud and overly physical and made no bones about it.

But there had been a vulnerability about Jack that touched him in a way he had never spoken of. If he were to be profound about it, which he was wont to be in rare moments of self inflection, there was something about Jack and all he'd been through that reminded him of, well, himself. Yet whereas he had externalized all his pain and suffering, making those around him pay, Jack had gone and done the exact opposite - turning so deeply inward at times that he was impossible to reach. When that happened, only Ma or Bobby could draw him out. It required a well of patience that Bobby never knew existed within him. And that, ultimately, is what had earned him Jackie's trust.

Bobby passed Jeremiah's old room, now used for storage and came to Jack's. He fully expected to find his brother as soundly asleep as the rest of the household. When he opened the door to find the seventeen year old wide awake and gazing out the window he was slightly surprised.

"What the hell are you still doing up? You have school in the morning."

Even as he said the words he realized that there was likely to be no school due to the amount of snow already on the ground. The city would spend the entire day digging itself out.

Jack had pushed his bed closer to the window and had his long legs folded beneath him with his elbows propped on the windowsill. He didn't flinch at Bobby's voice or turn to acknowledge him at all.

With nothing else to do and kind of relieved that there was someone else awake to talk to, Bobby made his way through the carnage of dirty clothes and discarded shoes that littered the bedroom floor.

"Jesus, Jack. When's the last time you picked up this hell hole?"

He made it to the chair pushed into the corner at the end of Jack's bed and had to clean it off before he could have a seat. He picked up Jack's guitar. That got him a sideways glance as his little brother gauged his intent. Bobby knew how much the instrument meant to Jack, he set it aside carefully. The clothes however were heaved on to the floor with the rest of its kind. They weren't folded, so he assumed they were as in need of washing as the rest. Looking around, he wondered if the kid had any clean clothes at all.

Settling comfortably, he propped one foot on the edge of the bed and regarded his brother, who was once again gazing out the window with a heavy fall of hand raked hair spilling into his eyes. He waited as long as he could possibly stand, looking back and forth between Jack and the window before finally growing impatient at the silence.

"Jackie, what the fuck are you doing?"

For a long moment Jack didn't answer him, Bobby wondered if he would at all. He was just getting fed up with the little fairy when the teenager finally spoke.

"It's snowing." He said in a soft voice, distracted.

Bobby blinked in surprise at Jack's statement of the obvious, his eyebrows rising. "Wow, you know, that's really deep, Jack." Voice filled with sarcasm. "Big fucking deal. It's snowing. It's been snowing all fucking day in case you hadn't noticed."

Jack tossed him an irritated look and then continued to ignore him all together. If anything, that surprised Bobby more than the previous comment had. Jack always enjoyed Bobby's company. Didn't he? Why wouldn't he? He was an absolute fucking pleasure to be around.

He really wasn't in the mood for this; maybe he was more tired than he thought. "Fine. You don't wanna talk to me you little pussy? I'm going to bed." He rose muttering to himself about trying to do something nice and made for the door. He was half way there when Jack spoke again.

"It's peaceful. Quiet." Jack said in that same still voice. "Like the whole city is asleep."

Bobby paused. If Jack hadn't wanted his company he would have just let him leave without a word. He knew from experience that Jack often had difficulty in expressing himself. Given time, he would get it out, but it could require more patience than Bobby currently had in supply. The older brother thought about it fleetingly before returning to his seat by the bed. He always had a little in reserve for Jackie.

"Well it is past midnight. It's likely the whole city is asleep." Bobby noticed a slight ease in the set of Jack's shoulders as his voice lost its edge.

"I guess." Jack said with a shrug. Bobby got the feeling that wasn't really what Jack had meant.

The youngest Mercer returned his gaze to the falling snow. Bobby watched him for a minute before leaning over to take a gander at just what was so captivating. Fucking snow. And lots of it.

Curious, Bobby asked, "What do you see, Jack?"

The resulting, but short lived, silence was followed by a flickering gaze from the snow to Bobby and back again. It was a quick motion almost hidden by floppy, chestnut bangs – and a sure indication that Jack thought Bobby would make fun of him. The teenager looked on the verge of speaking a few different times then grew frustrated and snapped his mouth shut. "It's hard to explain."

Dropping his eyes, Jack bit his lower lip. In that single flickering moment, Jack looked for the world like that lost, disheveled little boy who'd shown up on their doorstep all those years ago.

"Try." Bobby said, the memory inspiring a rare gentleness.

His tone, unconsciously soothing, seemed to ease some momentary distress. Jack was silent again for a long time as he considered where to start.

"I don't know how old I was. Five. Maybe six. It was snowing like it is now. And it was late. I didn't know what time it was, but I knew it was late." Jack's voice was oddly detached, a small crease appearing between his brows at his next words. "I was in a room. My room I think. I'm not sure. It was cold. There were no curtains on the window, no blankets on the bed. Not even a sheet to wrap up in."

It wasn't often that Jack spoke about his life before he became a Mercer. Bobby listened quietly, noting the slight hesitation as Jack continued.

"My…mother and who ever she was shacked up with at the time was going at it in the next room." He was close enough to the window that his warm breath left a small silvery patch of fog on the glass. "They were fighting. By the sound of it he was giving it to her pretty good. I heard her hit the bedroom door and slide down to the floor. She was crying."

Quiet, Jack traced a swirled pattern through the moisture, his voice sounding small as he spoke. "I couldn't do anything. I never could."

Bobby restrained the bubbling comments that wanted to spill forth – that it wasn't Jackie's place to _do _anything. He was too young, too little – that if _he_ had been there he would have kicked some ass. All pointless comments in the end. Afraid that Jack would stop talking if he interrupted at all, he held his silence.

"So I did the only thing I could do. I blocked it out. I just…stopped listening."

Before Bobby met Jack he would not have thought such a thing to really be possible. Yet he knew from experience that Jack could do exactly that. The kid could zone out at will and totally disappear within himself. He often wondered where exactly Jack went at those times.

"I just remember the snow. The storm was near its end and there were patches of stars visible as the clouds began to clear. It was dark and beautiful…almost magical outside. So peaceful. The snow was like a heavy, white blanket that covered everything." Apparently he'd gotten beyond Bobby making fun of him. Apparently Bobby had too.

"It looked just like that snow globe we got Ma for Christmas last year."

Bobby smiled. For all that Jack had been through there remained a spark of boyhood innocence that trauma had not touched. This really was some deep shit as far as he was concerned. While he and Jack had gotten close over the years, his little brother had never previously offered him insight such as this. Jack's expression turned pensive.

"It was the first time that I ever thought about...death. My death." The words were all the more chilling for the casual tone in which they were spoken. "I didn't do anything...but I thought about what it would be like. I thought about how cold it was, how long it would take, if...anyone would miss me."

"Christ, Jack." The words, low and horrified, just kind of slipped out before Bobby could stop them. There was something innately sad and fucked up about a five year old contemplating suicide. It just wasn't right. Even knowing some of the sick shit that Jack had been subjected to before Evelyn had brought him into their strange little family it was hard to swallow.

"In any case I didn't get a chance to really think about it, at least then." Bobby immediately picked up on the last words. He couldn't help but wonder how often Jack thought about such things. "I heard a loud crash. Really loud. I froze. The next thing I knew my mother was stumbling into the bedroom. Her face was bruised and her lip was bleeding. She was still in her dress but it was torn and covered with blood."

Jack's voiced had turned rote again, like it did anytime he spoke of his previous life or his mother. "She'd knocked the fucker out with a cast iron frying pan." Bobby snorted, wondering briefly if she paid for that in the morning. "She was calling for me and crying." Despite his detached words, Jack appeared affected by what he was saying. His eyes had a slight sheen and there was a hitch to the soft spoken voice.

"She grabbed me and pulled me into her lap. She hugged me so tight I thought my ribs would crack." Jack had a far off look in his eye, as he remembered. "She kept telling me it was okay, that everything would be okay." He swallowed and turned his head away from Bobby.

"She fell asleep with her arms wrapped around me, whispering the same lie over and over again." Jack's voice had hardened a little at the end. "The funny thing is..." Jack's breath caught. "It wasn't for me. It never was. She wasn't trying to comfort me." He turned back to Bobby then. "She was just trying to convince herself. I knew it – even then. And I hated her for it."

Bobby was just watching Jack at this point. He had no idea what to say. The kid had never opened up to him like this before. Ever. His natural tendency was to revert to sarcasm, inappropriate humor or even vulgar bravado but that just wasn't going to fly here. It was hit or miss if Jack ever responded to it in the first place. His brother was a moody little fuck, always had been. There were times now when Jack could give as good as he got and took his fair share of ragging from his brothers – but there were other times as well. Not so often anymore, but there were still times when Jack would just sort of shrink in on himself and become that vulnerable, frail little boy that would hide from the world. It could be unbelievably maddening at times, though Bobby had to admit that it was at those times that he became the most protective of Jack. He and Evelyn both, though in entirely different ways. Ma would just make herself more available and let her presence in itself offer a sort of comfort. Angel and Jeremiah would also make adjustments if they weren't too self absorbed in their own lives. Hell, they all had little quirks and issues that everyone had to make room for. There just seemed to be more of them with Jack.

"You wanna hear something really twisted?" Jack interrupted Bobby's musings. "The reason I couldn't leave….just walk out into the snow and end it all. It was because of her. Because I didn't want to leave her alone. How sick is that?"

"Not so strange at all." Bobby finally found his voice. "She was your mother. The only constant in you life. You loved her."

Jack drew breath as if to dispute the claim, but then remained silent, unable to do so. Bobby let him have a few moments of silence before broaching the subject he had never really stopped thinking about.

"Do you think of death often, Jack?" Bobby did his best to keep his voice natural and non judgmental in hopes of an honest answer. On more than one occasion, he knew Jack had only told him what he thought Bobby wanted to hear. He could usually tell when that was the case. His patience paid off and he was rewarded with the truth.

"Not so much anymore," Jack said quietly, resting his forehead on the window as if the discussion had tired him.

Somewhat satisfied, Bobby let the subject drop. Jack was the kind of kid who always sought escape of some sort - whether it be in day dreaming, music or drugs. He guessed it was only natural that the biggest escape of all would also cross his mind. There wasn't much he could say and he didn't want to make a big deal about it. He, himself had had thoughts of suicide on more than one occasion. Nothing even remotely serious, but he was aware of the option.

"It's strange." Jack said, sounding sleepy now. When he didn't continue, Bobby was forced to prompt him.

"What's strange?" He said around a small yawn.

"I never thought that I would have this. A family. People that care about me. Sometimes...I can't help but think that this is the dream."

"You having dreams about me you little fairy?" Bobby couldn't resist reverting to humor in an attempt to lighten the mood. Jack gave him a sideways glance and flipped him off.

"Go to bed, Jack. It's late." Bobby really was tired now. He didn't want to downplay anything Jack said, but neither would it be good to analyze it. He sensed that just by talking about it Jack was able to move beyond it.

"In a minute." Jack said, head still resting on the frosty pane of the window as he watched the snow that was finally beginning to slow.

Bobby was feeling pretty comfortable where he was so it was no big deal to make his next offer. "Want me to stay?" When he was younger Jack often took comfort from Bobby's presence whenever nightmares would wake him.

"Whatever," Jack said, sounding like he didn't care either way. Bobby knew better. On another night he might call him on it - but not tonight.

Bobby woke less than an hour later with a nasty crook in his neck and a powerful urge to piss. Jack had finally fallen asleep on the bed facing the window with his legs still partially tucked under him. He looked pretty damned uncomfortable. Standing, Bobby rotated his neck and added a little pressure with the heel of his hand to his chin, satisfied when he heard the bones shift and crackle back into place.

He stood looking at Jack for a minute before hooking the boy's ankles and pulling the limbs straight. Jack mumbled something in his sleep and shifted to a more comfortable position as Bobby tried to extricate the covers from beneath him. His efforts were rebuffed as Jack pushed the covers away and let them settle at his waist. Bobby shook his head and reached down to brush the hair out of Jackie's eyes. The kid needed a fucking haircut.

"Get some sleep, fairy." Bobby said as he turned to leave. "You're helping me shovel this shit in the morning."

End

A/N2: It was harder than I thought it would be to really get these two right. I hope I did okay. I have a penchant to get too mushy sometimes and I really restrained myself here as it wouldn't be appropriate for these two. Loved it or hated it – I'd love to know. Thanks in advance to those of you who decide to review!

--shan


End file.
